Whiter Shade of Pale
Chapter 3

A/N: Here's my next T/P fic. Warning: Major drama alert. I cried when I wrote it, because it reminded me of something that happened in the past. So I reccomend you get a box of tissues ready, this is not a fluffy fic. But it's not angst, either. There is no suicide Pan, of that I can promise.
Warnings: Like I said, major drama. Don't read if you don't like.

P.S. R&R and enjoy!


Dear Trunks,

Well, it sure has been awhile, hasn't it? No, not really, but I feel that it's been too long. When you left, there were still many things I left unsaid. I wanted to tell you something I should've said a long time ago. I wanted to tell you that I'll never forget you, and that I'll always be with you. I know you're with me, as well, even if I can't see you. I wanted to tell you how much you meant to me. I've looked up to you my whole life. Now there's a regret that fills my whole heart, because I never got the chance to tell you...or rather, I've never had the courage to tell you, to say what I meant to say so long ago. But now, these words will go forever unsaid. They will only exist in the deepest depth of my soul, and on this piece of paper, which will probably be found in a drawer of mine years after I pass away.

I still remember the day you left us. How could I forget? I still remember the last moments between us, how you had givin up your own life to save mine. I never even got the chance to thank you. I remember you lying in the fresh snow, red from your own blood. I remember you holding onto me, shivering like mad; but you refused to let me go. You refused to let me die. God wanted one of us that night, so he took your life instead.

I watched as tears streamed down your face, and I remember your very last words to me. They play like a broken record in my head, over and over and over again. I felt your soul leave your body for good, and I cried as I held you, limp in my arms. I held you so tight, I almost thought that if I did this long enough, you'd come back to me.

You never did. And it's slowly killing me.

Every time someone says your name, weather directly at me or not, I piece of me dies. Your death has come as a shock to this world; who could ever believe the president of Capsule corp had died? Not too many believed at first, but then the news came out. Do you know how many people died with you that night? Bra, Bulma and Vegeta are beside themselves. They won't talk or even come outside. Your father refused to spar with my grandfather, that's how upset you got him.

Look at what you did, Trunks! It should've been me that died. I am a nobody. Everyone knows and loves you. So why did you let them down? Why? Why why why why why?

You know, it's such a wonder that all those times I was alone with you, I never told you how I felt. I kind of suspected you figured it out at one point or another, but I still wanted to tell you personally. I wanted to hear those three little words leave my mouth.

Now I don't know if they ever will again. I really wanted you to know how I felt, I wanted to see your reaction when I said it...

A single tear fell from the corner of her eye and onto the sugar-white paper, smudging the freshly inked words in the last sentance. 'Say it...'

There's nothing left for me to do. The dragonballs won't bring you back, as you had died a natural death. I can't believe you're really gone. Will you wait for me outside the gates of heaven? Will I be able to reconize you as an angel? You've always been my angel, looking down on me. Even when you were still here.

I would sacrifice anything to see you again. Even if it was for 5 minutes, just to hear your voice, just to tell you everything I've yearned to tell you and never had the guts to say. But for now, all I can do is look back on memories. Have you ever heard the saying, "No one's ever gone, as long as their memory remands."? That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to look back on every moment we shared, weather we were by ourselfs or in the presents of someone else. I'll never forget you.

You were the most wonderful man in existance, Trunks Briefs. Even when you thought I was an annoying brat, you were still the most amazing person I had ever met. And before I have to move on with my life, I wanted to say one last thing. Goodbye, Trunks. I still love you.

Forever yours,
Pan


Pan re-read her letter for mistakes, and finding none, folded it neatly and stuck it in an envolope. Sealing it shut, she took a small wooden box out of her drawer. Looking sadly at the blank front of the letter one last time, she put the envolope in the box and clicked the lid shut, locking it.

"Goodbye, Trunks-kun," She said softly, another tear falling off her lashes and onto the polished wood.


~*~
*flashback*


She was running through the deep woods. What felt like poison was running through her veins, and she could hear her heart beat as loud as a drum in her chest. Snow was clinging to her jeans as she swept into a clearing where he lay; the snow bleeched a bright crimson around him. He lay face-down in the freezing snow, and Pan couldn't tell if he was breathing or not.

Her breath hitched, and she stumbled, but she quickly re-caught her balance and continued stumbling through the knee deep snow. She fell at his side as soon as she got close enough, from close up she could tell he was shivering like mad. She gently turned him over, facing her. His eyes were dull and his lips were now a sickning shade of purple. A terrible sadness was sketched across his features. Looking at his bruised and paled face made tears well up in her eyes and fall silently down her face. She took his cold face in her warm hands in an attempt to warm him up; and Pan was surprised when he finally spoke, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Pan," He said, choking on his own voice. "I'm so sorry..." He was trying his best to inhale the cold, sharp air around them. He shivered voilently as a tear fell down his cheek, and Pan brushed it away without thought. "I'm so sorry I never told you..."

The look on his face caused Pan to let out a whimper. Unable to control her emotions any longer, she began to sob. She desperatly wanted to say something, but her voice was caught behind her sobbing, so she could do no more then listen.

"I wanted to spend my lifetime with you," He whispered sadly, "I wanted to marry you and have children..." His voice quivered slightly, and fresh tears fell down his face. "I wanted us to grow old together."

Pan stopped sobbing and smiled lightly, squeezing his hand as tight as she could, never wanting to let him go. At this moment, he was crying his heart out to her, and she was as well. Pan wanted to tell him that she loved him too, that everything would be all right, but her voice was caught in her throat. She looked at him, and at this moment, when he was crying his heart out, he looked nothing less of beautiful.

"I'm so frightened, Pan," he confessed, his voice in a child-like whisper, which made her want to die. "I don't...I..."

He inhaled slowly, closing his eyes. He snapped and started sobbing uncontrolably in her hair, which only caused her to cry just as hard. She was going to lose the man she loved, the one who finally admitted he loved her. They cried like that for a long time, until Pan no longer had the strenght to hold him up, and Trunks no longer had the strenght to go on. She laid him back down on the snow, putting her head gently on his chest, listening to his heartbeat and feeling for that steady up and down motion motion. She listened to his breathing.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

Tears fell down Pan's cheeks as she listened to each breath of his grow more shaky. She felt him trying his hardest just to breathe. She begged silently to his rising and falling chest to not give up. Not to stop.

"Pan," He whispered lovingly, stroking her hair with frozen fingers. "Pan, I'm dying. There's nothing you or me, or anyone on this planet for that matter, that can do anything about it. So with my last breath, I have something to tell you..."

She grasped his shirt, her tears overspilling. "No, Trunks, don't say it..."

"...I love you."

Trunks exhaled slowly, and to Pan's horror, never inhaled again. Ever. She hugged him tighter and the tears spilled down her cheeks like running water from a faucet. And as she wept, the sky above her turned to a lighter shade of pale.


*End flashback*

~*~
"Although my eyes were open
They might just just have well been closed.
And so it was that later
As the miller told his tale
That her face at first just ghostly
Turned a whiter shade of pale."
~*~

R&R. I wrote this because this same exact thing happened to my late boyfriend in a skiing accident last year. Today is his birthday. Comments would be nice, I guess. Oh, and a P.S. for you G/M fans, I'll have my G/M fic out probably tomorrow. =)

Till next time around,
~Hachimitsu